Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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