There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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