so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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