I don't think brook has ever known best
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
