you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
