I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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