everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am one with the molecules
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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