you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My balls are so social today.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
