Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
