i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
