i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
