Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
