Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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