ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
