I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
