dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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