and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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