Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
