it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do vagina's smell?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
