we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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