The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
