We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
