i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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