I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
