Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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