I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
