Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
