i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dicks are not precious.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
