I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
