There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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