I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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