does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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