How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
