My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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