I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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