Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
