I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
