I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
