...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
