Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
