Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
