My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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