Michael Bay diarrhea
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
