there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
