Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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