I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
