he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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