I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
