So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
