i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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