I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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